Heartlines
by Petroica traversi
Summary: The gunshots they heard as they approached Terminus was warning enough; things were definitely not what they seemed to be.


They'd only been trapped for a few hours, and he was already getting antsy. Daryl wasn't claustrophobic by any means, but he supposed he was pretty introverted. Too much time with too many people, in a space way too small for his comfort. His discomfort at being trapped was almost worse than not knowing why they had been locked in the boxcar, and what these psychopaths intended to do with them. Almost.

He'd spent a good amount of time pacing along one wall, ignoring the others as much as possible, but he was worn out and in pain, and eventually he slumped against the wall, sitting between Glenn and Rick.

He had hoped to avoid the conversation going on around him, but he supposed it was unavoidble. They were all wondering about the missing members of their community after all. There were too many people unaccounted for, and though he told himself that he didn't care the truth was that he was simply overwhelmed. He didn't want to care. He'd felt responsible for each member of the community in his own way, and having it all go to shit in such a spectacular manner seemed pretty much par for the course for him. Nothing good in his life ever lasted long.

Maggie told them about finding the bus full of walkers, which cleared up the fate of a good number of people, most of whom he hadn't had a chance to get to know. Learning of their deaths wasn't nearly as painful as the look on Maggie's face when he told her that he and Beth had been separated. He spared her the details, not wanting to upset her further with useless speculation. The girl was gone, and there wasn't anything they could do about it, especially not from within their stuffy metal prison.

They slowly went down the list, sorting out who had seen whom, and the one name he didn't want to hear was skipped over for a time. He wasn't surprised. It seemed like she went unnoticed way too often even before this whole mess.

"What about Carol?" Glenn finally asked him, and he felt his body go tense at the mere mention of her name.

Surprisingly Maggie answered before Daryl or Rick had a chance to speak up.

"She was gone before the Governor hit."

Daryl turned to glare at Rick.

"She knew before I did?"

Rick just stared at his shoes.

"Wait, what do you mean gone?" Glenn asked.

"I sent her away. She's the one who killed Karen and David," Rick answered after a tense silence, "I couldn't have her at the prison, so I took her on a run and left her behind."

"Wait, what?" Glenn asked, looking shocked, "Carol? How could you do that to Carol of all people? If she... if she did do something that drastic she must have had a reason."

"She said she was trying to protect us but she wasn't sorry for what she did. I couldn't trust her. And if Tyreese found out she was the one who killed Karen she wouldn't have been safe around him anyway. I gave her supplies, she'll be fine," Rick answered.

"Wait, wait, wait, did Tyreese know about this?" Sasha butted in.

"No. I thought it was best if he didn't find out until after she was gone."

"You can't be making those decisions yourself! Not only is that disrespectful to my brother, but you can't go kicking out random people without consulting others. Especially people on the council! You know, the people who are supposed to be making these big decisions. And don't put the blame for your decision on Tyreese. He would have heard her out. He's not a monster."

"That wasn't the whole reason," Rick conceded, side-stepping Sasha's other objections, "I didn't trust her with my children anymore. I figured everyone else would feel the same way. Anyway, she made her decision without consulting anyone, either. She couldn't be trusted anymore. No one would want her at the prison, and I told her that."

"You told her that?" Daryl said, "You fucking told her that no one would want her around?"

He knew the kinds of things that shithead Ed had said to her during their marriage, and he knew personally how it felt to be constantly told how useless you are, and how little you mattered to anyone else. Hearing something like that would have broken her heart. He wanted to break something in that moment: preferably Rick's nose.

"I didn't think anyone would feel safe with her there. She was a liability."

"She was practically raising your daughter and you really thought she'd hurt her? Knowing what you know about her?"

"I don't know what she'd be capable of anymore. And I don't want to know."

The conversation escalated into a full-blown fight from there. Daryl had thought that after so much time together, Rick would understand that if Carol did something reprehensible, it was for a good reason. Even if she had killed Karen and David, it wouldn't have been without a good motive. She had never been cruel to a single person since the day they'd met. Even after Sophia died, when she'd been at her lowest, she'd kind and empathetic to people who probably didn't deserve her support.

Rick's claim that she hadn't been sorry for what she did would have been laughable if it didn't break Daryl's heart; Carol always felt everything more deeply than anyone he'd ever met. He was stewing in his fury as the conversation winded down with no real resolution, and everyone settled in to rest for a while.

Rick had said he was his brother, and his sentiment rang true with Daryl. Brotherhood had never exactly been good to him. He knew Merle had cared for him and loved him in his own way, but most of the time he'd been out only for his own gain, and it had rarely occurred to him that his actions might hurt Daryl. Rick seemed to be of the same stock.

He clearly hadn't considered how Daryl might feel if the person he felt closest to was suddenly ripped from his life. It was funny how in the beginning he'd been her rock, and he'd lent her support whenever she was weak. But as time went on she'd become stronger, and tougher than he'd ever thought possible. She'd become his rock in return, and he'd come to rely on her quiet reassurance more than he realized. She was always the first person he went to when he needed support, because she understood him better than he understood himself sometimes. She always knew what he needed, even when he didn't. He suddenly missed her so badly that he wanted to cry.

Glenn was still awake beside him as everyone else drifted off to sleep. Maggie had made her opinion abundantly clear, but Daryl wasn't sure exactly where Glenn stood. He didn't suppose it mattered, but he'd like to think that at least some of the others would be more fair toward Carol, even though he had no idea where she was or if she was even alive anymore. If nothing else, he hated the idea of her memory being tarnished by something so stupid.

Finally Glenn spoke, glancing first at his sleeping wife, and then at Rick before doing so.

"Do you think she's still alive?" he asked.

"Dunno," he said after a long pause, "As tough as she is, it ain't safe for anyone to be alone out there. Hell, even without walkers... the men I was traveling with were assholes, and if she ran into someone like that..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought. He felt queasy when he thought of all the horrible things that might have happened to her.

Despite his original doubts that anyone else had made it out of the prison, he'd found most of the people he called his family. So maybe she was doing alright, despite the odds.

"Would you be mad at her if she did do it?"

"Don't matter now, does it?"

"But would you?"

"...No. If she did it, she had her reasons. No one knew what to do, and she must have been afraid of the sickness spreading to the rest of us. Carol takes care of what's hers."

"Including you?"

He shrugged and rested his head against the wall, trying to force the thoughts out of his head. It hurt too much to think about her.


End file.
